Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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