Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
