Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize