wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
