The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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