I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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