Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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