it hurts more in the daytime
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
