Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
