I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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