And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
