All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
