i need an iv and a liver transplant
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's always time for handjobs
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love you. Go after that dick
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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