Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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