OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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