trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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