Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
