Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What a dumb baby whore.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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