it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I currently don't understand fingers.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
