Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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