i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
