I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Randomize
