I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
