so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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