bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
