I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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