sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
