I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
