We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
