Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I forget how to act sober
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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