did you get engaged???
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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