i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
