fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
