Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
