My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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