I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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