Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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