Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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