Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
