Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
