I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize