just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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