dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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