I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think i got beer on your cat.
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