On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize