Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
