i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
