so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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