I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
