Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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