He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
