You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
