your parents love me but you hate me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize