I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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