trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
