JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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