he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
