I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
