who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
