so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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