So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
