why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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