sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
