suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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