I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Drunk is not a location!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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