I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
