I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize