I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
