She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
