I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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