my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
