I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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