you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
