I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it because I queefed?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
