so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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