i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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