he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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