Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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