It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
