Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I love you. Go after that dick
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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