After last night, I could never be a politician.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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