Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The adults are the big ones right?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
