found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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