Moan for me like Helen Keller
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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