Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
