I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
