u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
