Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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