You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
