is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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