i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
