Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
