I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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