Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
