You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
