you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
