xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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