I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
