no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
