i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
