im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
