if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
