dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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