her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
